Rethinking "Good Job"
Why Praising Children Might Not Be So Good After All
In today's world, praising children has become second nature to many parents and educators. We often find ourselves saying "good job" in response to even the smallest achievements, believing that such positive reinforcement boosts children's self-esteem and motivation. However, what if I told you that this common practice might not be as beneficial as we once thought?
Renowned author and educator Alfie Kohn explores this idea in his thought-provoking article "5 Reasons Not to Say 'Good Job'." Kohn challenges the conventional wisdom surrounding praise, suggesting that it can have unintended consequences on children's development. Let's delve into some of his key points and consider how we can apply them to our interactions with young learners.
Diminished Intrinsic Motivation: Kohn argues that praising children for their accomplishments can actually undermine their intrinsic motivation. When children receive praise for completing a task, they may become more focused on seeking approval from adults rather than deriving satisfaction from the task itself. This reliance on external validation can hinder their ability to develop a genuine passion for learning.
Risk of Overpraising: Another concern raised by Kohn is the risk of overpraising, where children are inundated with praise for even the most mundane activities. Constantly hearing "good job" can dilute the meaning behind the words, leading children to become desensitized to genuine praise and making it less effective when it is truly warranted.
Narrow Focus on Outcomes: By emphasizing the end result with phrases like "good job," we shift the focus away from the process of learning and growth. Children may begin to prioritize achieving the desired outcome over exploring new ideas, taking risks, and learning from failure. This narrow focus on outcomes can stifle creativity and innovation in the long run.
Dependency on External Validation: Kohn suggests that frequent praise can foster a dependency on external validation, where children rely on others' approval to feel worthy and competent. This can create a fragile sense of self-esteem that is easily shaken by setbacks or criticism. Instead, we should strive to cultivate children's intrinsic sense of worth and encourage them to derive satisfaction from their own efforts and accomplishments.
Impact on Relationships: Finally, Kohn highlights the impact of praise on the parent-child or teacher-student relationship. When praise is used excessively or insincerely, it can erode trust and authenticity in the relationship. Children may perceive praise as manipulative or patronizing, leading to feelings of resentment or disconnection.
So, what can we do instead of saying "good job"? Kohn suggests focusing on descriptive feedback that acknowledges children's efforts and specific actions. Rather than offering generic praise, we can provide meaningful feedback that highlights what children did well and encourages further growth and exploration. By shifting our approach to praise, we can foster a culture of intrinsic motivation, curiosity, and authentic self-esteem in our children.
As parents and educators, it's essential to critically examine the ways in which we communicate with children and consider the long-term implications of our words and actions. While praise may seem like a harmless gesture, Kohn's insights remind us to approach praise with caution and intentionality. Let's strive to create environments where children feel valued, supported, and empowered to embrace learning and growth on their own terms.